My nan is the sweetest.
I arrived at her house around 11ish so we went for a lovely catch up in costa (mmm lattes! Oh anorexia hates me right now). She then said she wanted to give me a little present that she had brought me - which was this beautiful scarf! And then while we were browsing a few little shops in town, she insisted on buying me this really cute bag for little goings out while I’m at uni.(it’s a mini satchel and is so cute!)

I also found time I give her a few things that I brought her from Venice which she loved! I got her a small venetian mask, a candle holder made from Murano glass and some Murano glass earrings :)

We also looked through a few photos from Venice and just catched up in general. She is extremely supportive, I don’t think I can thank her enough for all the help she has offered me over the last few years. Sadly I could stay too long as I had to get to an eye appointment so left around 1 in order to get lunch at home and then wiz off to the opticians! Kitty has a new prescription - yay - possibly new glasses ;) It’s been a busy day. Dad and I then found time to pop into homebase on the way back which was nice - a little bit of browsing ;) I brought a little box for trinkets, a bin for my ensuite hehe and a soup dispenser :’) getting kitted out for uni of course.
My mood has been okay today, it was nice to see my nan. I’m struggling a bit but I am trying my best to keep going. I won’t let this illness drag me back down.

I’m going to drive to my nan’s and take her out for coffee this morning. (And might I add that anorexia hates this as it means having a snack, adding calories and liquid ones at that blah blah blah. But I don’t care.) She means so much to me and I like going to see here. I’ve then got an opticians appointment this afternoon so I have a fair bit planned which is nice.

I hope you all have a nice day x

We would follow a prescription if we were given one by a doctor. We wouldn’t cheat it; we wouldn’t miss out doses on purpose; we would follow their instructions to a t.

Sometimes recovery needs to be seen in a similar way…especially if you are struggling. A meal plan is your prescription. Food is your medicine. Sometimes it takes having to grin and bear it to get through; taking the pain and full on force from the eating disorder in order to follow the plan. But we must not deviate from it. The plan is there for a reason, we must continue nourish our minds, bodies and souls in order to see things more logically.

No, it is not always going to be comfortable or easy. It isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. But just like the medicine, it has to be taken. There will come a time when it becomes almost a natural instinct. Recovery is a learning curve, a journey. Take a deep breath and take the leap. Take the step forwards towards the future.

Take a moment to ask yourself; "what is the worst that could happen?"

Anonymous asked:

Hey, I hope this doesn't sound too rude, but have you considered trying the Minnie Maud recovery method? I understand that it doesn't work for everyone, but I remember thinking the exact same things as you a few months ago, but since I decided to do MM, my thoughts have become so much clearer and I am so much more motivated to recover. I know it takes a huge leap of faith but trust me when I say it is worth it; I am so much happier and feel liberated :) xxxx

I am so so so sorry for only just replying to this message as I realise it has been in my inbox for quite a while, sorry xxx

I have considered the MM recovery method before when I first started to “recover” but that was over two years ago now…I think I would need to read back over the guidelines to be able to get a perspective on it from where I am now. From what I can remember, I do definitely agree with needing 3000+ calories in order to gain back to a healthy weight. I have seen it with my own eyes that our bodies require more energy than we think. There is a lot of damage that needs to be reversed and healing to be done. As well as being able to fuel every day activities.

However I have always been a very active person, way before my ED…so I am not sure that I would be able to incorporate the exercise restriction to such an extent. I am not saying that I would exercise for ED reasons but I don’t know if it would be best for me to stop all activity if I were able to go back to it…(okay that doesnt make sense, bascially I have been on exercise restriction for like over two years and one reason to recover is so that I can enjoy sports again and well, I would want to be able to play netball, swimming or football if I wanted to. Or join a new club at uni….)

All my life I have been very sporty, it feels natural for me. I was sports captain at school and loved to do any and every sport that came my way. It is just part of who I am and it is a part of me that I really miss. I enjoyed the exercise not because I was burning calories or for any shape influencing reasons - I did it because it made me happy. simple.

Okay I am not sure if the things I am saying any more are making sense and I seem to be going around in a bit of a circle so I will stop typing in a minute….but yes, I agree with the MM guidelines to some extent and do intend to continue to increase my calories in order to get back to a healthy weight even if that terrifies me to pieces.

Thank you for the suggestion anon, I hope that things are going well for you at the moment. Keep on fighting xxxx

Time to challenge anorexia even more.

So I have realised a bit more today that I still have a very long way to go in recovery.

One area that I tend to avoid thinking about is fear foods…the lists seem endless and I tend to stick to very safe foods - normally meaning that my meals and snacks are VERY repetitive. I think this is a place that I need to begin to address now, especially in order to cope at university for the next three years. Don’t get me wrong, I have overcome a lot of fears in the past but I have reached a stage where I just tend to “float” along. Therefore I have decided that between now and the time I leave for university, I am going to try to challenge myself to the foods that I have “hoarded”. 

There is no better time to start than tonight - I have dug out a ready meal that I have had in the freezer for quite a while now, which is a lemon and chicken risotto. Risotto is a food I have never had before. It was meant to be the meal at prom a few months ago, but we know how that went. Anyway, so this is a fear as well as a brand new food. Chicken again tonight? Hell yes. So that’s going to be tonight’s dinner. Choice has been made and I have told dad what I am having.
I am going to do this even though t is one of mum’s pilates nights so she won’t be home or eating before she goes. This is my recovery. My life. I can’t control or change other people. My mum is healthy and has a very good relationship (I think) with food. I need to focus on myself. I need to keep fighting and challenging anorexia in order to move forwards and get to university (and stay there). To say that I am terrified wouldn’t even cut it but I know that this is what I need to do. I need to commit. I need to do this.

young-its-fob asked:

You do realize that people are only being knob heads because they are not satisfied with their own lives right? I mean people talk down to others and talk to them like shit because they are so dissatisfied with their own lives that they make themselves feel better by belittling others!xx


whispered-breath asked:

Kitty, I realise no one can tell you what to do, because aside from what might keep you 'safest', there will always be a curiosity, a leap of faith to take and the fact that EDs are so often 'lifelong' challenges that we need to manage whenever we are faced with 'change' or 'stress', so avoidance is never the answer. I was once a curious, stubborn, determined 19 year old but I have never regretted my decision to go to uni however; I urge you to SEEK SUPPORT from the start- 'just in case' :) xxxx

I agree with everything you said lovely Charlotte. I am just going to have to see how it works out and make sure I have the support around me from the off. I really just want to send you a hug and let you know that I believe in you. You are stronger than anorexia, you can fight it, you can beat it. You will win. Please keep going, you are worth every second of it xxxx

caffeinederivative asked:

Hi lovely, just wanted to send you lots of love and support for the recovery process all the way from Australia. Don't give up! xo

and I am sending hugs back to you from England, thank you my darling xxx

justlookingfor-me asked:

I think that you should give uni a go - if you never try, you'll never know! If it works out then that's great, and if it doesn't work out then that's okay too... Just go back again next year. As long as you are committed and are willing to recognise when you're struggling and can't cope anymore then you have nothing to lose by just trying it. Sending all the luck and love in the world to you xxx

Thank you channie, I hope you had a really lovely birthday and are enjoying being back at uni. All my love xxxx

eloiseonthewater asked:

Honestly I think you should go, there will be more support in York just because it is a city. I'm not saying you won't have to fight but as much as I've had every other year of my degree off going to uni has got me much further than staying home. On holiday there is a limited amount of things to implement against AN. At uni you will have to put them in but you will have time and support to do so. Uni has made me far mre excited for my future. I'm not saying we're the same but my 2 cent for ya! x

Thank you so much for your perspective Eloise, I really appreciate it xxx