(cont) you’ll be able to let go of the food and weight bullshit. i know you cant ignore it right now, its there every day, so im not giving out about you trying to come up with meal plans/ reason out your intake etc. i get that. But that is not recovery, that is meant to be how you deal with your symptoms (food &weight) while you put your heart into recovering. i hate seeing you struggle with symsptoms, restricting&increasing, thoughts&feelings. But i think its gotten so hard that (tbc )(cont)the real work, the sick and hurting, beautiful wonderful incredible kick ass Kitty, has gotten lost underneath it again. The answers to your problems were never in food or weight, the problem made you search there when you didnt know what to do. If you keep searching there nothing will get better, you might change the numbers/behaviours, but to PROGRESS, to grow &heal & FEEL better (instead of just fighting to tick boxes &still feeling like crap) you have to face Kitty without the ED <3 <3
wow, this really hit me. thank you. Thank you so much for sending me this message and taking your time out to think about me. Reading this, it feels like I have literally been hit by a brick wall. You’re right. I seem to constantly seek within the numbers and the increases/recovery ways for help; yet that is not where the problem lies. I can keep digging and keep searching all I want, but I will never find what I am searching for. Never. And its because isn’t there. I am looking in the wrong place.
But where is the “right” place?
I am lost. Very lost.
But honestly? I am terrified of finding myself again. I almost feel even more lost when considering NOT searching within the food and numbers - where do I turn? Life?
Your insight into this is so profound and I am almost lost for words sitting here as I am not quite sure what else to say but thank you. It sounds to me that you may have been through a similar journey yourself but I am so thankful for you reaching out to me and giving me this insight that you have. You have honestly pointed out something to me that is SO obvious, yet is something I have been completely denying for YEARS. Thank you. Just thank you so much. I really do hope that life is treating you well and I wish you luck with everything you do anon, thank you for being so kind to me, I really appreciate it xxxx